RSNA: The greatest show (and lines) on earth!

A popular photo op.

Love it or hate it, you can’t ignore RSNA. No other meeting on the planet, medical or otherwise, can boast that approximately 30% of its attendees purchased a winter jacket solely for the purpose of attending that one meeting. And for those of you who like to queue, RSNA is the place to be. Taxi lines, bus lines, Connie’s pizza and McDonalds lines, the options for endless queueing are… well… endless! My favorite is the bus line at the South building. That combination of toxic exhaust, freezing cold, and the nagging uncertainty of whether I am really standing in the correct line can only be experienced at RSNA. Believe it or not, there is an entire field of mathematics devoted to waiting in line (queueing theory). It’s been around since a Danish engineer named Agner Krarup Erlang published his first paper examining telephone networks in 1909 Copenhagen. Unfortunately, union rules have prohibited the use of queueing theory in the city of Chicago since 1910.

This looks like the line for the "3" bus, but it is really the line for the 1A bus!

The endless taxi line at the South Entrance. Here's a hint that I learned from a door man at the Hyatt. Walk across the street. If the mob dosen't kill you, you'll get a taxi in no time. 

For those of you who don’t like waiting in line, here’s a secret. It turns out that there is actually an underground black market at RSNA for badge ribbons. For the right price, you can get any ribbon you like, from Case of the Day winner to Board of Directors. Some of these ribbons will get you free food (like the RG reviewer ribbon), while others just get you street cred. Why pay $100 for a donor ribbon when you can get one under the table for $5 (unless, of course, you care where the money goes). Anyway, my point is that once you load up your badge with enough ribbons, no one’s going question you when you cut in line. Just pick a person to cut in front of with one or two ribbons who looks puny near the front of the line. Chances are good that they will want more ribbons and won’t want to risk alienating a powerful and influential member of the RSNA ruling elite. Be prepared to make small talk, because they will likely want to network with you. In the unlikely event that they have their priorities straight and don’t care about ribbons, make sure you can still take them in a fight.

If you don’t want to buy your ribbons, don’t lose hope. You can still earn them by toiling away on thankless committees for years while neglecting your family and pets. That’s how I got my paltry few. I’ll know that I’ve finally reached the pinnacle of my career when I have to lift my name badge to use the urinal. Did you ever meet someone at RSNA with wet ribbons on their badge? Well, now you know how that happens. I’m tall and not particularly ambitious, so I figure I’ll be good for a few more years. Some readers are probably unaware that in certain restrooms at McCormick place, there are actually attendants whose job it is to hold the ribbons for members of the Board of Directors while they relieve themselves. If you don’t believe me, just ask Reed Dunnick about it the next time you see him.

RSNA is always crawling with SAR members. Here are just a few at this year’s RSNA…

Marta Heilbrun (Utah), David DiSantis (Kentucky), David's lovely wife Denise, Steve Eberhardt (New Mexico), Me, Brian Allen (Wake Forest)

Cynthia Santillan and Cooky Menias

Drinking Caipirinhas with my evil twin Erick Remer (Cleveland Clinic).

David DiSantis spending quality time with Sadhna Verma (Cincinnati) and Shweta Bhatt (Rochester)

Power breakfast with Mark Lockhart (UAB), Desiree Morgan (UAB), Alec Megibow (NYU), Stu Silverman (Harvard), Eric Tamm (MD Anderson) and Evan Siegelman (Penn). Someone get Evan to join the SAR!!!